You Have Been In Iraq Too Long When...

Here are some thoughts some of the guys I work with came up with:

• When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I have another five minutes"

• When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the Hadji bus

• Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

• Every guy that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

• You volunteer for convoy security duty because you haven't seen the country yet

• You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab dress

• You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks

• Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you

• You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5 seconds

• When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over

• You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie bought at Hadji mart

• You're thinking of buying real estate in the green zone

• You make the new guy show you his “doughnut of misery” just to make you feel better about your time left in country

• You plan on removing all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more natural

• The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex jacket

• When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?"

• When 12 hours is a short work day

• When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the FRAGO that MNC-I was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't weighed in, since they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs within the ISF to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no questions.

• When you start using words like G'day mate, Cheers, and Bloody hell as part of your normal vocabulary – love the coalition partners!

• When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding mortar

• You see an indirect fire attack take out an air conditioner and your vigor to fight is renewed

• You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire

• You decide for entertainment – let’s take a run around Lost Lake at Camp Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper

• You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will

• A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine

• You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun fire or explosions don't even cause a pause in the conversation

• You believe that Stop signs are really just a suggestion

• Right-away on the road is not determined by who was there first, rather by who's bigger and has more guns.

It is time for me to come home.